TINY OFFICE

by Bill Woolum

CHARACTERS

ARRON: A male full-time professor, dedicated, can’t say no.
SUZANNE: A female part-time professor.
KEN: A male, full-time professor.
CHRIS: A student with low self-esteem.
STUDENT B: An aggressive student in need of help.
STUDENT C: A student early for her conference with Ken. She has a large backpack on her back to cause problems.
PROFESSOR D: A part-time professor of any sex.
STUDENT D: A newly enrolled student.
AN ELECTRICAN: Any sex.
STUDENT E: A student, any sex, looking for help.

(This skit was written as the last skit of the evening in a 1997 Oregon performance, and was used to get the entire cast on stage to take its bow. If it’s used someplace else in the program, then leave out the phone call at the end.)

SCENE

(A small desk with a chair on either side. CHRIS (student) and KEN (professor) face each other. The desk is enclosed within a room divider if possible to show the room’s small size. Two additional chairs off to the side.)

ARRON: Well, yes, this would be a much better essay if it had sharper focus. So, let’s see, what did you have in mind as a thesis?

CHRIS: Something, um, something about self-esteem, I guess.

ARRON: That’s pretty general. You know if you…

SUZZANE: Oh, Arron, sorry to interrupt. But I’m working on an essay with a student. Do you mind if we work in here?

KEN: Oh, sure, go right ahead. (Goes back to talking about essay with CHRIS. SUZANNE comes in with STUDENT, and they struggle to find a place behind the desk to work. AB LIBs as they work together. STUDENT B opens his folder and the two try to work standing up.)

STUDENT C: (Enters with her paper to be looked over by ARRON): Oh, I guess I’m early.

(SHE moves around SUZANNE and STUDENT B to get a place close to ARRON. HER backpack hits the folder of STUDENT B. STUDENT B drops his folder on the floor and chaos ensues as he tries to pick up the loose papers now scattered. SUZZANE tries to help while STUDENT C struggles with her pack).

ARRON: Oh, that’s fine. We’re running a little bit behind. But, you know, if you just come over here, we’re looking at Chris’s essay on self-esteem and we’re talking about the thesis. In fact, come a little clo…

KEN: (Enters and sizes up the situation): Oh, Arron…

ARRON: Oh, hi Ken.

KEN: …You’re having student conferences. I’m sorry.

ARRON: That’s okay.

KEN: Excuse me, I just need a book. (Sets up chair close to ARRON to get the book and starts to climb on the chair). It’s up on the top shelf, right behind you. (STUDENT B has now rested his folder on the head of CHRIS. KEN is now using ARRON as a support to hold onto while he climbs up on the chair.)

ARRON: Yeah, that’s okay. We’re just working on…

(PROFESSOR D and STUDENT D enter.)

PROFESSOR D: What a madhouse. All these students needing classes. I just can’t turn them away. I know it’s not my office hour, but I just need to give this new student a syllabus.

KEN: Yeah, sure, come on in.

(PROFESSOR D reaches over the desk, so she comes between ARRON AND CHRIS. Papers are falling on the floor. STUDENT D is now on the floor trying to help pick up papers. Completely frustrated, CHRIS is hitting himself on the head. ELECTRICIAN enters.)

ELECTRICIAN: You need some light bulbs in here. I got a call. (Walks over and grabs a chair, carries it past KEN, and stands on it to change the bulbs. Meanwhile, the phone rings and KEN answers it.)

(STUDENT E enters with an essay, looking for ARRON.)

STUDENT E: As long as I was heading this way, do you think you can read my essay?

ARRON: Sure, come on in. There’s a couple of students ahead of you.

(Student E tries to find a place in the back. The place is packed and everyone is struggling to meet. Papers are dropping on the floor.)

KEN: Wait a minute, wait a minute. Will you all be quiet here for just a moment here. I’m on the phone. --- She says, we’ve got to take a bow now.

CAST: Oh, yeah, our bow.

This skit is copyrighted and all rights are reserved. It first appeared in the Rabble-A Skit and Song Book, 2001. You must ask for Permission to use this skit BEFORE staging it. There is no charge for the stage or street production of this skit by faculty, faculty groups or union groups. Usage beyond CEW or for other purposes, including broadcasts of any kind, must be granted separate permission, however. For further info on how to stage the routine, use your imagination or drop us a line. Send all correspondence to rabblea@aol.com